Firstly, I apologize if I’m posting this in the wrong section of this forum… I think this will be only my third post here? Also, for all I know this may not even be the most fitting site for me to be posting this at… and if this is the case I apologize. I had surfed around here several years ago and liked what I saw, so I came back seeking help with these questions…
Warning: I type a lot, lol.
1. I used to feel very… connected?… to things beyond the average senses. I would hear, see, feel, and smell things that others didn’t or couldn’t… things I never quite understood. But they always felt important or meaningful. If I had to put labels to the things I experienced, I might mention ghosts, shadow people, even incubi. I used to dream vividly every night, too, often (but not always) feeling that there was some meaning I was meant to be taking from them, though I never managed to figure it out, so I don’t know how much weight to give those dreams. They often manifested as “nightmares”, too, in which I would witness horrible things happening to other people, and then wake up feeling like I was supposed to learn something, or do something, related to what I saw.
This all ended about five years ago, right around the time when I started taking antidepressants. My dreams have become less frequent and less vivid, and the “nightmares” stopped completely, suddenly. They just… ended. I haven’t witnessed anything in my waking hours since then, either. No more “shadow people”. No more whispering in the walls. Nothing…
And lately I’ve begun to wonder… is it because of the antidepressants? Did they shut down that part of my senses, somehow? Or was it all in my head, and they just brought me back to reality…? I miss all the things I had before (except, you know, for the depression, ha!). I even miss the nightmares. I felt more… open. Now I feel kind of empty and closed down. Happier, but… empty.
Has anyone gone through anything like this? If my experiences weren’t just my imagination, can it be that I might recover that part of my senses once I’m done on the medication? (Don’t worry, this is not the primary factor in my deciding to go off of them; I’m just done with them. They served their purpose, and it’s time for me to try standing on my own two feet again.) In the past several months I’ve developed a sense of despair that I may never encounter these “other” beings/happenings again.
I guess what I’m asking is: Is this something that can be lost, and then regained? (If I ever had it…)
2. Focusing in on shadow people. To me, and some friends who have seen them too, they haven’t seemed entirely malevolent. To me, they seemed neutral at worst. To my friends, they’ve been mostly… not unkind, as far as we can tell, and the few times they’ve frightened them, they said it seemed like it could have been a misunderstanding… that is, the shadow people didn’t MEAN to frighten them, they were just trying to communicate, perhaps. But I read a lot about people saying they are 100% evil and not to be interacted with if one can help it. I’m not going to run around saying this is wrong… but it always seemed to me that shadow people can be as varied in intent as we humans can be.
3. Incubi. Potentially real, or just particularly invasive encounters with more “common” entities?
Thanks for any response… until recently I didn’t have anyone in my life who acknowledged what I felt or experienced. Mostly I was told I was imagining things. So I’ve always been really discouraged about things like this… everything felt incredibly real or truthful or meaningful to me, but I’ve had self-doubt so driven into me that… I don’t know. I’m hoping to find a community somewhere that I might fit into… someday.
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